i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
