2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
