i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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