Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
