oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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