so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
