note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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