Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize