Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
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she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
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There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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