I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My cat gives me a boner
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
