Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
