I hate your face
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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