ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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