I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
