don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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