the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I believe in your delicious
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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