I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
