I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
