For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
