All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
