I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
