I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
