I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
