Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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