i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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