My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
