and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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