you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
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I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
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