There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
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He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Damn victory sex feels great
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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