we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
