i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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