Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
