Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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