The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
