I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You're like the curious george of whores
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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