im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
