I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
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something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
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I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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