i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
