my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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