DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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