i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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