Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
