Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
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