i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
