her vagina looked like bernie madoff
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so let's talk penis.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
