OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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