my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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