Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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