Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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