Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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