she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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