i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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