She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
