You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
