PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
