My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
