Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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