So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
