After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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