I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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