That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
