Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You pole danced in your parka.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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