I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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