After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
