I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
