At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
