I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
