Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
