i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
