I just found puke in my bra..
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
