i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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