The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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