Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
