WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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