Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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