she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So here I am, sexting at work.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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