Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
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She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
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Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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