My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
