My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
