I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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