Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
