Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
